[Warning!] Teenagers and Sexuality

I decided I’d begin this with a statement, and that statement would be the picture of Disney Channel star Miley Cyrus.

Miley Cyrus reveals her bra. Good clean fun?

Don’t look at me, I didn’t take that picture. Turns out, this and other pictures of Miss Cyrus have been floating around the Internet (I found this on Google Image Search).

Being able to talk about it

This write-up isn’t going to be about Miley, or her lime green brassier. It’s going to be about sexuality, and the role it plays in teenage life. (Although I will be referring to the picture from time to time.)

Now, I don’t know if that picture signals sexual arousal, but it’s gotta count for something. These kinds of pictures are not at all uncommon, especially if you’re in the age range of, say, 13-15. At around this age, libido begins to stir, and we teens become more aware of that subject we call “sexuality”. In our younger years, we labeled any and all mentions of the word “sex” as taboo, but now as we become more aware of the topic, we can talk more openly about it. (No more, “Eeew, that’s gross”—except if someone says something really offending).

No, seriously. Sometimes, in school, our conversations meander to that topic. Surprisingly, we can talk about it as young adults. We can express our thoughts on the issue more openly. (Phrases such as “I don’t believe in sex before marriage” and “If I were him and I was going to have sex with multiple partners, I’d use a condom” would be heard.)

It’s not a sign of horniness or perverted thoughts. It, for me, is maturity. We can’t stay in that immature phase of our lives forever, right? As I pointed out before, a teen’s ability to talk about the matter in a mature manner means that he/she has acknowledged the reality of the issue, and that he has understood it. The disappearance of such remarks as “Yuck, why are you talking about sex?” and “I’ll tell on you! You’re talking about that!” just as well signal maturity.

The stirring of libido

It is a well-known fact that libido (sexual urge or desire) begins to stir in the teenage years. Microsoft Encarta says that around two-thirds of girls and almost all boys will have masturbated to orgasm before their teenage years come to an end. Once again, this does not mean perversion, nor does it mean that a teen will grow up to be a sex maniac. Libido is part of human nature, something that normally develops as one grows, and the emotional (as well as physical) aspect of that growth is sure to come with the onset of adolescence.

Many are inclined to think that males’ libido stir more than females’ during teenage years, as evidenced by the facts that

• Male teens are more likely to watch pornography than their female counterparts,
• Males are more likely to masturbate than females, and that
• Males talk about it more openly than females, and are usually not ashamed to do so.

I guess that the assumption regarding male and female libido is not totally false. But many people think that females’ libido does not stir at all during their teenage years. Now, being male, I cannot give a precise rebuttal to that claim, but if human nature were to be the basis for an answer, I’d say that that would be false. (If you are a female teenager, or know a female teenager, or are a parent of one, feel encouraged to comment on this post about that whole female libido thing.)

Sad to say, many teenagers have their first sexual encounter at around 15. I wrote “sad to say” because I personally believe that one should reserve him/herself for his/her spouse. I also have this personal conclusion that sex at such a young age will leave you wanting more and more, and pretty soon, things might blow up in your face. (No sexual meaning intended.) But personal convictions aside, I cannot comment on teen sex, although the words “statutory rape” do come into mind.

The role of parents

Parents are mostly hesitant to accept the fact that their teenage children are growing up and are therefore maturing sexually. This is perhaps because they want to cling onto that small, serene infant they held in their arms in yesteryears. They are not to be blamed, of course. No matter how slowly we grow up and transition into the teenage years, it all comes in a rush to them, so let’s cut the parents some slack.

Nevertheless, parents should be more open and accept the reality of sexual maturity. Did they not, after all, go through this phase as well? Alright, here are some

Tips for parents with teenage children

1. Leave the room when he/she’s changing. If your family still shares one room, and your son/daughter comes into the room after taking a bath while you’re watching TV, it should be your initiative to leave the room and allow your child to be naked without anyone staring at him. It makes us feel uncomfortable and awkward to have to be butt-naked and putting on underwear while our parents are watching CNN. We don’t tell you to leave, of course, but that’s because doing so will make us feel awkward as well.
2. Give your child his/her bathroom time. Especially if your teen is a boy. I don’t need to tell you why; see the section “The Stirring of Libido” above.
3. When he/she’s in the room with the door closed, knock before you enter. If it’s locked, don’t unlock it with your keys. Not that they’re having sex in there or anything. Just knock and say, “Can I come in?” and if they say “not now”, ask them why. If their reply is a secretively and hesitantly said “basta” (which in English roughly translates to: “just don’t…“), respect that. I forgot to mention above that the teenage years spell sexual exploration for teens, so give us some breathing space.
4. Let them have boos. In layman’s terms, a boyfriend or girlfriend. Why? because
   • It’d be a hell of a lot harder for us to get one in college and even after college;
   • It gives us a sense of independence;
   • It helps us mature emotionally;
   • We won’t freak out anymore when we have other boos later on in life.
5. Accept their choice. It is often during adolescence when people actually begin to identify their sense of self¹ and sexual preference². They begin to identify their role in society. The normal sense of self of a person would be male, for males, and female for females, and the normal sexual preference would be female for males, and male for females. However, this isn’t always the case. We are all aware of homosexuality and bisexuality. As parents, it is always best to accept your child for who they are, especially if your teenager has identified him/herself as a homosexual. Why? It is very difficult for a teen to come to terms with the fact that he/she is homosexual. It is even more difficult for a teen to tell his/her parents about it. Parents’ refusal to accept the fact as their teen has will only put more pressure on the child, and self-esteem and peer relationship problems may arise.
6. Guide them along the way. In the age of Internet discussion boards, we can get tips from so many different sources. A sizeable number of them aren’t all that credible. Thankfully, we’ve been hard-wired to think that parents always offer the best advice (and that parents will never advise against our safety), so don’t ever hesitate to give us your thoughts. You might have to approach us and not the other way around, though (especially if your teen just transitioned to adolescence recently) because there is still that awkwardness factor about the whole shebang.

Final Words

It’s no joke: teenage sexuality is a fact of life. Whether you’re a teenager, or one who’s parenting a teenager, it is imperative to understand and accept the facts of teenage sexuality. I hope this helps in some way.

What thoughts can you add to this article? Feel free to comment, or contact me.

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FOOTNOTES

¹Sense of self is how a person perceives him/herself in terms of gender. Normally, a male’s sense of self would be male, and a female’s sense of self would be female. However, sometimes a male’s sense of self may be female and vice versa. This is different from sexual preference. (See FN#2)

²Sexual preference is, as I personally describe it, which gender a person is attracted to. The normal pairing would be: males’ preference is female, and females’ preference is male. This normal state is called heterosexuality. However, a male may also prefer males, and a female may also prefer females. This is called homosexuality. In other cases, a person may be attracted to both genders. This is called bisexuality.

OTHER NOTES

• Many are inclined to think that sense of self and sexual preference are always connected. This is not always the case. A male whose sense of self is female may still be attracted to females. A female whose sense of self is male may still be attracted to males. In most cases of homosexuality, a gay male (sexual preference is male) still identifies himself as male. A gay female (sexual preference is female) may still identify herself as female.
• All definitions here are my own, and I cannot guarantee their accuracy. It is better to refer to an encyclopedia, dictionary or other more merited source for the exact definitions of these terms. If you do choose to use my personal definitions in text, discussions, etc., you agree not to hold me accountable should my definitions actually be inaccurate.